Originally sent as an email to a reporter for The Wild Hunt 12 February 2018 -- posted here with permission 20 April 2018
Thank you for working on this story. I'll answer your questions in this structure, but honestly, it isn't going to give a full picture. The two of us were quite possibly the closest people to Yeshe Rabbit Jessica Matthews in the last ten years or so. There's more than a decade of relationship that eventually became more and more toxic and then fell apart.
Further, since I have worked (and currently do work) for the company that used to employ Ms Matthews, I want to be certain that this story does not comment on the business and her work there. I need to be certain of this, since the livelihood of many innocent people may be put in danger if there is any retaliatory legal action taken.
It's important to me that I speak out, because I was so much a part of the structure she used to hurt people. I want people to know that she's unsafe,
After trying to stay in the structure, I can see that this is a big mess, leaving out years worth of the story. I also don't know what you hope to focus on in your story. Please contact me with further questions.
See also:
Further, since I have worked (and currently do work) for the company that used to employ Ms Matthews, I want to be certain that this story does not comment on the business and her work there. I need to be certain of this, since the livelihood of many innocent people may be put in danger if there is any retaliatory legal action taken.
It's important to me that I speak out, because I was so much a part of the structure she used to hurt people. I want people to know that she's unsafe,
- What is, or was, your relationship with CAYA? -
I was one of the first group of priestesses that began CAYA; myself, Yeshe Rabbit, and 4 other women. We began as a collaborative group of witches, and developed a training program for others. I was a High Priestess in multiple traditions, a member of the Council of Elders, and Secretary of the Board. I held multiple roles and duties over my 11 years of involvement, including overseeing Public Service projects, Pastoral Care work, training of initiates, and many many public rituals - If you did not come to know Yeshe Rabbit through CAYA, how did you get introduced? -
I was introduced by a mutual friend who became part of that original group. - What was your formal relationship with Yeshe Rabbit in the context of CAYA? -
I was originally a collaborator in the formation of the coven. I worked closely with Yeshe Rabbit, sometimes under the title of executive high priestess, sometimes as board secretary, usually considered her second-in command. - Did you have contact with her outside the context of the coven? -
She called me her best friend. We socialized together, worked together and spent holidays together. I was in her wedding. She came to the hospital when my son was born. In the most recent years, all of my free time became spoken for by her. It became all-encompassing. - What transpired between you that you consider abusive? -
What started as collaborative quickly became hierarchical. I found myself carrying out orders, and reporting in, rather than contributing ideas. The amount of work I was expected to do was many times what the stated ideal amount was for members of CAYA. When my son was born in 2010, instead of being granted a sabbatical, as most new parents were, I was given a "promotion" in duties and made responsible for facilitating more activities. By 2016, I was spending 8-12 hours per work on CAYA work, plus I worked full-time. When I expressed concern to Yeshe Rabbit about my stress levels, about taking too much time from my child and marriage, I was either praised for being very committed and not giving up, or scolded for being lazy and not doing enough. She told me that I was raising an entitled and spoiled child who needed to get used to feeling that my time and praise would be rare. She advised me on how to control my partner, and our relationship. I was publicly scolded for being slower than she wanted to fulfill tasks on multiple occasions. During 2014, Yeshe Rabbit had a relationship with an initiate in the coven, and during that time, she began a somewhat coersive sexual relationship with me. I just did what I was told, again and again. I was expected to keep that secret from my partner, so that she could rely on it being secret from her own partner. Throughout the years, as people turned away from the coven, whether through life changes or strong disagreements to policy or personality conflicts with Yeshe Rabbit, I was expected to cut off contact with those that left, and to abandon those friendships. Also, ongoing, I was expected to publicly defend Yeshe Rabbit from attacks on her character and her political views. It is very very difficult to be open about this now, after constantly being told that all my time and effort was never enough support for her personally, or for them mission of CAYA. In 2015-2016, Yeshe Rabbit became more and more outspoken about her feelings on trans gender people, trans women in particular. She used private "oath-bound" space to vocalize her dislike, mistrust and disgust of trans women. When it came to light that I had begun a relationship with a trans woman, she repeatedly shamed me for that. In the context of coven board meetings, in the context of spiritual sharing, I was called "slut" and "sex addict" and in private conversations, I was told that soon enough, I'd grow into understanding that I was participating in another person's fetish, not having a true relationship. I was also told that I could not be trusted until I ended that relationship, which I did, for a few months. Once it was discovered that I had returned to it, I was called a liar and a threat, both privately and in the witness of one of CAYA's groups. - Did you share anything about these experiences with anyone we might contact to corroborate what you've shared? -
Jenny (who is on this thread), and my ex-partner, and many members of CAYA, past and present, are aware of all of this. - What steps, if any, did you take to advise CAYA leadership about this abuse? -
I was a part of the leadership. I had seen many so-called "conflict resolutions" take place, and they all involved proving that without Yeshe Rabbit's approval, there was no place in CAYA for anyone. I tried to write policy that was egalitarian and allowed for true discussion. But it all fell down when Yeshe Rabbit was involved in the conflict. Finally, in August 2017, I left the coven and cut off all contact with Yeshe Rabbit. - Were there other persons in position of authority that you chose to inform about the situation? -
Many members of CAYA's Council of Elders knew about the amount of work I'd been expected to perform. In 2017, as an initiator and trainer in the PNW, I told my East Bay counterparts about the sheer amount of work I was being asked to do, and how I couldn't keep up. Many members of CAYA's Council also were present for name calling and shaming me for my relationship choices. - Do you believe that persons in authority or with influence acted timely and appropriately? Why or why not? -
I don't know. I myself was a person of authority. I feel as though everyone was held hostage. I cannot claim that I would have done better, because only after I separated from Yeshe Rabbit and CAYA, did I begin to see that I could choose to do otherwise. - Are there any persons in authority you elected not to contact, who might have had an impact? -
no - Are you familiar with others who were in a similar situation who might be willing to speak about their experiences? Would you be willing to contact those individuals and ask for permission to share their contact information? -
I can put it out there that you are looking for more people to talk to, but I don't know who would be willing.
After trying to stay in the structure, I can see that this is a big mess, leaving out years worth of the story. I also don't know what you hope to focus on in your story. Please contact me with further questions.
See also: