About Yeshe Rabbit Matthews: Stella Iris

Originally published in a Friends-only Facebook post 6 February 2018 -- posted here with permission 20 April 2018

Hi. So, in August 2017, I quit all of my associations with Yeshe Rabbit Matthews. I haven’t spoken to her since, nor do I wish to ever again. I was frequently suicidal for the last several years as I tried to balance the publicly stated good intentions of my organization with the intensely wrong private behavior that just kept escalating.

I can’t apologize enough for the years in which I followed her instruction, stood by and witnessed or facilitated her wrongdoing, and apologized or covered for her. My own experiences of gaslighting, manipulation, and abuse at her hands (as well as acts of actual kindness and friendship intermixed) are no excuse for enabling her. She kept me isolated from friends and associates with lies and threats, there were constant loyalty tests.

I thought there was good in what we did. That I was serving people. I thought I was helping people. I thought there was purpose behind what I did, and I can only say that I tried.

Seeing now what the real wake of these actions has been, is devastating. Moreso than losing title and friendships, knowing the long term harm I helped perpetuate is awful.

I’m sorry. I’m trying. I don’t ask forgiveness.

I’m seeing a therapist. I’m working with community that I trust. I’m grateful for the chance to live free. We all deserve that.